One day...

down and out

So I’m probably going to just be made fun of for blogging this.

it’s whatever…

It’s been a minute. I haven’t seen you in like 3 or 2 weeks. I forget. Significant moments in my life. I just get so caught in the moment I tend to not remember the exact time/date when it happens…maybe it’s because I have more important things in life to worry about.

I’m still scared. Not finding someone else. I hate waiting for someone else to come along. All the other girls around me just disappoint me…It’s like highschool again. The old familiar. they’re not even from here and they’re already giving a guy like me a bad impression. I don’t ask much. I just ask that you like me? maybe that’s selfish…or…a very terrible excuse…I dont know. Cant girls just like me back? Fall in love with my faults and see through them and only see the positives that i have.

Everyone around her wants sex, drugs, and alcohol. Can’t we all just love life? Without all the influences that make it “seem” fun when really we’re depending on substances that yeild to a “better” time. Cause to me…they aren’t better times…they’re times where you’re wasting time to actually understand and better yourself and be something. Having fun can be something else you know…Im jaded. I know i joke about all those things but honestly i joke to hide my insecurities…I know they can be fun but I also know it’s not something I wanna live off on…I’ve only seen negative results from them…I don’t want a life like that.

I’m still crying. Not shaking, or breaking down. But I still find myself at moments where I listen to part of a song or there’s complete silence, or even when I part ways with my friends…I get this emptiness like the day you left me…where I wasn’t too sure about tomorrow…Im just crying now. I feel better afterwards though..

I wonder…if you still think about me. Or whenever you look in your closet and consider putting on one of the shirts I gave you…do you feel anything anymore? That’s the saddest thing I could have ever done for you…to make you stop feeling. I honestly want you to cry…Don’t supress it…I want you to remember how we both feel and how we wanna get better for ourselves later on.

I want to meet you again, my love. I can’t wait.